I Am Jasper's Inflamed Sense of Rejection
by Corinne 22
Summary: O/S written for the Slash Backslash Contest. Does fate actually exist? Is there a reason for everything? Edward is in the middle of finding his true self. Does he find it with Jasper? Lots of slashy, detailed smut. Don't read if you don't like that stuff.


~~This is not for the weak...also, not for the ones who dislike slash. There's a lot of detail, just the way I like it haha~~

~~You have been warned :)~~

_**SLASH BACKSLASH ONE-SHOT CONTEST**_

**Story Name: I am Jasper's Inflamed Sense of Rejection**

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Pen name: Corinne 22**

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****Pairing: Edward and Jasper**

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****Disclaimer: SM owns all things Twilight  
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To see other entries in the "SLASH BACKSLASH" contest, please visit the C2: ****http ://www(dot) fanfiction(dot) net/c2/74941/3/0/1/**

**The name of the story was taken from Fight Club :)**

**All in EPOV.  
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I had never thought I would be calling one of these places. Only desperate people do this. Right? I'm not desperate. Well, shit, maybe I am.

Finally coming to terms that you're gay when you're almost twenty-five years old is hard to deal with. Let alone having to hide it from your family and friends. I couldn't look around like people could normally do, because then someone in this god forsaken town would find out. I couldn't go out on dates, I couldn't hit up the one dingy gay bar in town and I couldn't run up to perfect strangers at the store and ask for their phone numbers. No, I needed this hot line. Yes, I guess I was desperate, wasn't I?

I dialed the number, my finger trembling over the little green call button. My beaten up credit card held in my other shaky hand. Why was this so hard?

I gave out a heavy sigh and looked at the number illuminated on my phone before I pushed the little red button instead. Maybe it was safer to look it up on the internet.

I changed into a comfortable pair of flannel pajama pants and a white t-shirt and grabbed a beer from the fridge before making myself comfortable in front of my computer.

The screen came on, glowing around me in the dimly lit room as I took in some calming breaths, my chest heaving out uncontrollably. I typed in the website and slightly cringed as I waited for it to load.

The words "Find Your Soulmate" was written in bold letters across a background of two men sitting on a bench, facing their backs to the camera and starring out into a sunset. I had to fight off the laughter rising up through my chest from nervousness and disbelief. Nothing was ever as clear cut as that in real life. You don't just meet someone and instantly fall in love and be all happy and shit forever. Relationships end, people die, people fuck you over. I wasn't looking for long term. I didn't believe in that anymore. I just wanted to be happy for right now. To feel content in the moment. I don't think I had ever truly felt that way in my entire life.

I clicked on the blinking square to register and punched in my sixteen digit credit card number. After I clicked submit, I anxiously waited as the bar on the bottom of the screen kept annoyingly going back and forth as it processed my information. My knee jerked up and down with impatience as I stared so hard at it, unblinking, that my eyes began to cross.

I gave an exasperated sigh and stood back up to grab another beer, trying to ease my mind with something other then waiting. I tried to take my movements slowly, not wanting to admit to myself how excited I was becoming. I counted my steps as I took each one with slow purpose.

I slid my ass back down into the chair and tried to stop my heart from jumping when I saw the approved letters congratulating me on my acceptance into the world known as pathetic men looking for other pathetic men.

I didn't bother with filling out my profile yet. I was too excited to get on with looking at all of the potential men in my area. My index finger scrolled on down a list of men, none of them catching my eye just yet. I was beginning to think this was a waste of time and my $49.99 a month for the next six months.

I decided on clicking one more page open before I gave up for the night. I moved my mouse over the page fifteen button and with a defeated feeling, waited. The first profile that popped up almost took my breath away. He was twenty-three and had a head of blonde curls that I instantly wanted to run my hands through. His piercing blue eyes seemed to stare right at me through the screen and his smile was wide and goofy, causing a smile of my own to spread over my lips.

I quickly clicked on his link and read as fast as I could. His name was Jasper Whitlock. He lived in Seattle, only about a two hour drive away from here. His interests included hiking, playing music and martial arts. He was going to school for a Masters in History. He had apparently only signed up two days ago. A newbie like myself.

My eyes moved back up to his picture and I smiled back at him again.

"Jasper," I sighed out. "Get ready."

I put in all my information on my profile, making myself seem as interesting as possible. I guess like most of the men do here. Picking out a photo deemed to be harder though. I wanted a picture that showed off my good looks, how green my eyes were or the strong set of my jaw that women complimented me on so much. I wanted to impress him.

After much deliberation I decided on a photo that showed me and my sister, after we had climbed a mountain together. My face looked tan, my shirt showed off my muscles and I figured that if he likes hiking, this should get his attention.

I submitted all of my personal information and went back to his page. My fingertips hovered over the keyboard as I tried to think of something clever to say to him. My mind was drawing a blank. My nervousness was making me temporarily stupid, it seemed.

_Hey, man. I saw your profile today. You seem interesting. I live just around the corner in Forks, not too far away. If you're interested contact me one day. Would like to hear from you. Thanks._

I cringed for a second and quickly erased the word thanks. What was I doing? A job interview?

_Edward_

I quickly typed in and pressed the OK button before I could change my mind.

I instantly felt stupid. Why couldn't I have thought of something better to say? Why couldn't I have been witty or charming like I knew I could be? God, I sounded like a fucking pussy. I'll be surprised if he ever writes me back. Fuck, I wouldn't write me back.

***

The next day, I got up early for work. My eyes kept darting over to my computer each time I went back and forth from the kitchen. I refused to look so soon. It had only been nine hours ago that I wrote him. But it was so hard to calm my mind and stop thinking about it. I was going into new territory here. I had never really been with a man yet. I had only experimented kisses with a few guys. Now, here I was, going on a dating service and acting as if I had always known I was gay. It was a bit overwhelming.

I left for work, giving my computer black screen one last glance as I headed out the door.

All day at work my thoughts wouldn't stop circling around that damn website and his contagious goofy grin. People would find me smiling to myself like a fucking idiot and giving me strange looks.

When lunch came, I sat in my office, starring at my computer. My elbows were placed on the desk, my hands folded, pressed against my lips and my eyebrows pushed together as my body felt conflicted. After many minutes of deliberation, I tore my white knuckles from my lips and checked my e-mail. Before the yahoo box even finished loading, I heard the familiar dinging noise that I had some mail. I took in a deep breath and tried to calm my nerves.

Sure enough, there it was. The website name written across my screen, words that seemed so normal, yet signified so much. I hastily clicked the link and a reply was displayed.

_Hey back. You look so cute, you know? Maybe we could meet up for coffee? Something easy and light. I could meet you somewhere in Forks. Or do you need to meet half way or something? How about this Saturday? This is all a little new to me, but oh well. I figured go with it, you know? Take the chance. You only live once. I'll be waiting for your answer. Jasper_

I think my fucking heart just stopped.

He was turning me into a fucking girl by just saying he thought I was cute. What the hell was wrong with me?

I vainly tried to fight off a huge smile and quickly typed him back that I would join him. I told him to meet me at a place called Mocha Motion on S Forks Ave. It was a quiet place, not too intimidating and not too many people go there. More importantly, nobody I knew went there. It's not that I was ashamed of myself. It's just that I needed to go through this on my own. Figure things out by myself before I included anyone else into this.

I jumped up and closed my e-mail right as my secretary came in to give me some new files. She gave me another weird look before walking away and shaking her head at the ground. I needed to get my shit together before people started to ask me questions about my behavior.

I had two days to prepare for our date. Was it even called a date? I didn't know what this was. All I knew was Jasper-goofy-grin-fuck-me-eyes was coming to see me. And I had no idea what I was going to do.

***

Friday.

It's now sixteen hours until I have to meet him. I felt like I was slowly going insane with anticipation.

I kept my hands busy and my mind at some ease as I cleaned my apartment for the third time tonight. Maybe if I blasted up music loud enough and concentrated on imaginary dirt spots, then I could find some peace. Cleaning always helped me think before.

I was wiping down my kitchen counter for the fifth time when I heard the little familiar dinging sound of an e-mail. I tried to ignore my erratic heart rate and sweat that was forming on my forehead as I walked over to my computer.

_Hey. Just wanted to remind you of our date tomorrow. Don't forget, it's at 2. Don't leave me hanging, all alone sipping coffee around strangers, as I look for your pretty face. Looking forward to meeting you. Jasper_

Jesus Christ, just reading his words made my mind turn to mush. I was afraid of what seeing him in person was going to do to me.

I contemplated writing him back, but I didn't want to risk looking like a dumbass again. I shut off my computer with a content sigh and a cheesy smile and got ready for bed.

I now had fourteen hours until I had to meet him. In fourteen hours something in my life was going to change. Because, even if this didn't work out with him, this was the beginning of a change. I was no longer Edward, the ladies man. I was now Edward, idiot fumbling in to the unknown.

***

I woke up too late.

I had stayed up most of the night, tossing and turning in my bed. Thoughts and fears plagued my mind as I wrapped my sheets tighter around my legs. Not until daybreak had I found sleep to take me over. Now, because of it, I had overslept.

It was almost one o'clock and I still needed to shower and shave, then get dressed. The day I'm going to meet Jasper is the one fucking day that I sleep past nine.

I took the fastest shower of my life and got dressed. I questioned everything about my clothes and looked myself over in the mirror ten times before I decide fuck it.

Before I knew it, it was fifteen minutes until two. I screamed every obscenity known to man as I realized I wouldn't have time to shave. I wanted to look as good as I could for him and somehow managed to fuck it all up.

I grabbed my wallet, shoved it in my back pocket and raced out the door, keys in hand. I probably went fifteen miles over the speed limit the whole way there, even though I lived only five minutes away from Forks Ave. I wanted to get there before he did. Secretly watch him as he hesitantly got out of his car and made his way in to the coffee shop. I wanted to be able to size him up and try to see what I was up against. Shit, it was so much easier with women.

I deftly swung my car in the shop's parking lot, choosing a spot right in front of the building. I rested my forehead against the steering wheel and attempted to make deep, slow breaths.

_"OK man, this is it,"_ I whispered to myself, my breath hitting my face as it bounced off of the steering wheel. _"Don't fuck this up. Be cool."_

With my words of encouragement, I opened up the car door, stepped outside and made my way in as I smoothed out the front of my shirt.

I looked around for Jasper but didn't see his blonde curls anywhere. I debated on getting a coffee while I waited, but then thought it might be rude so I took a seat on one of the brown leather couches in the corner. Windows surrounded me on three of the walls. From here, I could see the whole parking lot. I placed my elbow on the arm rest and rested my chin on my knuckles as I stared out to the parking lot. My foot was bouncing around in anxiety as my vision never wavered from the lot behind my parked car.

At two o'clock, on the dot, I saw a flash of blonde as Jasper's car drove in. My hand instantly left my chin and slapped down on the leather surface as my breath left my body. I eagerly watched as he opened his car door and stepped out in to the sun. He arched his back and raised his arms up to the sky as I saw his chest rise and fall. If that's not perfection then I don't know what was.

He walked up to the front door with a confident stride. He held nothing that resembled my panicked state. His shoulders were set and squared, a sly smile written across his face and an air of authority about him.

When he entered the building, he paused and looked around for my face. When his eyes fell on mine his smile grew wide and deep as he started to walk over to me in the same confident stride. I wish that I could hold some of that assurance in my own actions right now.

He stopped in front of me and looked down at my sitting, gaping form and stuck out his hand.

"Hey. Glad you came. I was afraid you were going to stand me up. You never know about these website things, you know?"

I gaped a second longer at his hand before I realized I was being rude and looking like a jackass. I stood up and shook his hand as he stared straight into my eyes with a smile tugging at his lips. The warmth I felt from shaking his hand was instantly addictive. I didn't want to let go. Just touching his hand was starting to do things to my thought process.

"Want to go grab something to drink?" he asked while tilting his head over to the cashier.

I quickly nodded my head, still not saying a word. His hand slid out of my grasp and I nearly moaned out loud at the loss of his warmth. He gave a small chuckle and lead the way to the front counter.

"I'm sorry," I almost yelled out after him as I tried to catch up. He stopped and turned around to face me. "It's just this is all new to me. I'm kind of in unknown territory here."

He gave me a reassuring smile and slowly walked back over to me to rub my shoulder, instantly calming me. "It's OK. It's new for me too."

He swiftly turned back around and made his way over to the counter. I nodded at his back and followed, amazed at how calm he seemed to be despite the circumstance.

We had both ordered black coffees and laughed at all of the frilly drinks that some of the men seem to buy. I was glad that we already had something in common. After receiving our drinks we headed back to the couch I was sitting on before and, after a moment of awkward silence, we started to discuss how we even came to sign up for the dating service. His story was pretty much the same as mine, only his involved the one friend that knew of his curiosity to sign him up herself. He said that he always kind of knew but was now finally deciding to do something about it. He was tired of feeling rejected by men around his place. He was always set up on blind dates and they always failed. He said he was tired of the growing rejection and wanted to take matters into his own hands for once. To have him choose who he thought would best suit him.

He still seemed confident and sure of himself. I was nervously picking at a stray string on my khaki pants and looking all around the room.

Our conversation paused and out of the corner of my eye I saw him reaching over to me. My breathing stopped and my shoulders stiffened minutely.

"The whole non-shaved look suits you. I like it." His knuckles gently ran over my chin and up my cheek. He rested the back of his hand on the side of my face before looking into my eyes and giving me another wide smile. I couldn't help but feel calm again and I relaxed back into the couch to resume our conversation.

Our talking flowed easily from there. We never touched on any serious topics. We kept it light, talking of our likes and dislikes. We both enjoyed the outdoors, dogs, music and our black coffee. We talked some about our family. He was from a single family, adopted at age three and grew up in a rich town full of rich people. I grew up in a family of three, not so wealthy and had to struggle to make something of myself.

We laughed over the people rushing off to their busy day and hectic schedule. We sat in comfortable silence, sipping on our coffee as we watched the leaves swirl around in the wind. It was the most comfortable and at ease that I have felt in a long time. Our bodies kept inching towards each other with every passing hour. The heat radiating off of him was making me feel almost sleepy.

He glanced at his watch. "Wow, it's already six. Didn't seem like we've spent four hours here just talking."

My heart skipped as I thought about having to leave him. I had only known him for a short time and already I didn't want to leave his side. I wanted to know more of him. Wanted his warmth to not leave my side just yet. I quickly stood up and threw away my empty coffee cup.

"Come to my apartment," I blurted out, desperately. He looked at me in confusion. "I can make you dinner or something. Come over."

My eyes were almost pleading with him until he finally shook his head yes and stood up to join me.

He followed me to my place. I constantly kept looking in my rear-view mirror to make sure he was right behind me the whole time. When we reached the building garage, I indicated through the window for him to park next to me. I tried not to think about how good it felt to have someone's car placed right next to mine in my only extra spot.

We met up at my elevator and found ourselves feeling awkward again. His light laughter resonated around us in the small elevator and he grabbed my hand and gave it a light squeeze. We stood, watching the number above us rise to eleven as we held hands.

We reached my floor and I quietly let him in. He stood in the middle of the room, looking around at my apartment as I closed the door and watched him from behind.

"Nice place," he whispered out.

"Want me to show you around before I start cooking something?" I asked, feeling the awkwardness seep back in.

He nodded his head and I made my way around him to show off my place. It wasn't super nice, but it was taken care of well and had some nice things in it. I was pretty proud of myself, though.

My palms and the back of my neck started to become covered in sweat the closer we got to my bedroom. My heart seemed to beat so loudly that I was sure he could hear the echo of it bouncing off of the walls of my narrow hallway.

"This is my room," I whispered out into the silence.

He stood behind me, his chest almost touching my back as we both peered into my room. I could feel his breath hitting the back of my neck. It felt cool against the beads of sweat forming around my collar. My skin felt like it was on fire, even though cold chills formed little bumps across my flesh every time he exhaled.

The air grew thick, energized and palpable with the proximity of our bodies. He took a small step forward, the right side of his chest touching the left side of my back. I could faintly feel his heart beating. It was almost going as fast as mine. I was nearly panting, my brain stopped functioning correctly. The only thing I became aware of was him. My hand gripped the door frame, my nails almost digging painfully into the wood.

His hand touched my forearm and slowly slid down to my hand. I kept my gaze straight, not really looking at anything in the room, yet not looking at him either. I felt his heart beat even faster against my shoulder blade and his breath quickened on my neck. It caused a shiver to run up through my spine as I briefly held my breath.

I closed my eyes. Trying to will my body to calm down. Trying to make some sense of the seriousness that had just begun. His breath seemed to hit the side of my neck harder, his body taunting me as it slid past my arm, brushing past my shoulder. I felt a slight tug of my hand and opened my eyes to see him standing before me. He was gently pulling my hand towards him, his eyes an intense blue, a nervous smile and his hand shaking lightly in my hand. He tugged again and I followed.

He silently took me over to the foot of my bed and grabbed my hips. His gaze penetrated right through me as I saw him lick his lips. The tip of his tongue peeked out from between them as his eyes went to my own lips. His face came closer to mine, painfully slow as his eyes darted from my lips back up to my own eyes. My head felt light, my mouth felt dry and I didn't know how to react, so I stood there. Waiting.

His lips met mine. Gentle, yet earnest. Softly brushing my lips and then becoming more firm. He held his lips to mine as we breathed each other in. Before I was ready for it to end, he pulled back his head and locked his eyes on to mine once again. We faced each other, our breathing harsh against the silence of the room. His mouth held a smile as his eyes became more serious, more demanding.

As if reading each other's minds, our hands loudly slapped against the back of each others heads as our movements became almost frantic. Our lips were forceful, teeth almost hitting other teeth as our tongues tasted spit, man and desperation.

An almost inaudible moan passed through his lips into my mouth and I fisted the hair on the back of his scalp harder as I felt my erection grow. His right hand slid down my back and slapped my ass as he pulled my waist to his. The contact and friction causing me to loudly moan back into his mouth. He bit down on my bottom lip, his breath heavily fanning across my face. My head tilted back a little out of pleasure, my lip still stuck between his teeth. He let go of my lip with an almost popping sound and I instantly felt him biting down on my neck. His hand pushed me harder into him as he bit my flesh so hard it caused pain. But I enjoyed this pain. I wanted more. I wanted it harder.

Without thinking, my actions taking over any thought, I forcefully pushed him on my bed. His body bounced up and down, the bed springs catching his limp form as he laid in shock, starring up at me. I crouched down between his legs, crawling up his body as I held his gaze. My skin was burning, it was getting harder to breath. I didn't know what I was going to do exactly, I just knew that I wanted it done now.

I placed both of my hands at each side of his head and looked down at him, admiring his beauty. He didn't look so confident now. The swagger of a man that was so sure of himself was now gone. I had a feeling that he was at my mercy and I was willing to test how far he would go.

I lowered my face to hover over his lips. I stuck my tongue out quickly to lick him once. His breathing hitched in his throat and he raised his head to try to meet my lips. I silently shook my head and he lowered back down. I continued to look at him, my hips making small moves to rub my erection on to his. I licked his lips again, reveling in the reaction it caused, his heavier breathing and the twitch of his cock. I moved again. This time pressing on his erection even harder. his hands fisted in my blanket as another loud moan rose through his chest. I smiled down at him, resisting the urge to move again.

"Have you ever had a cock in your ass, Jasper?"

He shook his head back and forth and let out a small whimper.

"Hmm...," I moaned against his bottom lip before I bit down on it. "I think it's about time then, don't you?" I asked with his lip still in between my teeth before I licked and sucked on it.

I sat up on my knees and grabbed the front of his shirt to yank him up to a sitting position. Once he was fully seated I ripped his shirt off him, almost catching it on his arms. His chest muscles were lightly defined, a small patch of dark hair sat right between his pecks. Once his head was through, his eyes found mine and he grabbed the sides of my face and forced his lips on mine. I gave him a few seconds and then pushed him back with my hand on his chest. He fell back on the bed, his eyes almost full of pain at the lose of contact.

"Uh uh," I almost whispered out. "You do what I say. Don't move."

He nodded once as his hips writhed around beneath me. I scooted back just slightly and placed the palm of my hand at the base of his penis, giving it firm pressure over the fabric of his pants. I paused, relishing in the beauty of his reaction as his hands slapped the mattress and his eyes closed tightly.

"Do you like that?"

His head nodded violently as he bit down on his lip and his breathing became even harsher through his nose.

I looked back down at my hand and laid my whole hand around him, curling my fingers around the sides of cock.

"You're big, Jasper. I wonder if I can fit all of you inside of my mouth." I was trying to tease him. From the looks of it, I think I was succeeding.

I scooting my ass down further and place an elbow on each side of his hips. I place my mouth right over the zipper of his jeans and breathed out, making my breath warm the spot right above his erection. His hips bucked and his cock grazed my nose. I placed my lips on his jeans and held firm pressure across the length of him as I periodically kept heavily breathing on his cock, making it harder and bigger.

"Please," he whimpered out, clutching on to my pillow and shaking his head.

I peered up at him, my mouth never leaving the spot on his pants as I spoke into his erection. "Please what, Jasper? Please suck your cock?"

He violently shook his head yes as I wrapped my lips around the bulge poking through the denim. "Yes...Yes."

I purposely sighed heavily and withdrew my lips. I stood up and removed my shirt as he watched my every movement while licking his lips. I locked my eyes with his as I began to unbutton my pants and slid the zipper down. I pushed them past my hips, along with my boxers, and his eyes darted to my own erection as his eyes became a little wider.

"What's wrong, Jasper? Don't think you can handle it all?"

He licked his lips again and stared hard into my eyes. "I will, for you," he answered between heavy breaths.

I placed my hands above his knees and pushed the palms of my hands up his legs, pressing down harder the closer I got to his cock. As I rubbed my hands further up his legs, I bent my head down to his crotch and breathed on it again before unbuttoning his pants and pulling them off. I threw his pants to the other side of the room and repeated my actions against his flesh. Only this time, when I reached his cock, my breath fanned out across it and I gently licked it up the shaft. He let out a low moan and threw the pillow off of the bed in desperation.

I licked up the length if his cock again and held him, one hand fisted at the base. I stuck the tip of him in my mouth, slowly swirling my tongue around, tasting his excitement with his pre-cum. Then I placed my lips around him, making a slight suction as I lowered my mouth further, taking half of him in between my lips. His hands dug themselves in my hair and pulled. I instantly wrapped my fingers around both of his wrists and shook my head with his cock still on my mouth. With his hands pinned down by my own at the sides of his hips, I pushed his cock further into my mouth. I had never done this before, but I knew what felt right and what didn't. I was hoping that I was doing everything right.

I pushed the back of my tongue down to force him into my mouth even further until my lips were touching the blonde curls of his pubic hair. His wrists pushed against my hands, but I wanted full control over this situation. I wanted him begging for more. I curled my tongue around his penis as I started to pump my mouth around him faster. His breathing was becoming harder, his moans becoming louder as he tightly grabbed my blankets again, below the grip of my hands on him. I could feel the coolness of the blanket against my own erection as it yearned to be inside of him. To feel some type of friction. I wanted him badly. I worked my mouth faster and faster, willing him to get off.

I moved my hands down to his and he wrapped his fingers around mine, digging his nails in to the back of my hands as he let out a sound almost like a growl. Before I knew it he was pulsating in my mouth, squirting into the back of my throat. I instantly tried to swallow him down, wanting to do something right to please him. I had never really wondered what it would taste like, but I wouldn't have assumed this. I couldn't compare it to anything else. It wasn't gross but it wasn't good. It just was. For him, though, I was willing to swallow it all down.

"Turn around," I demanded right as he was coming down from his orgasm. I had waited long enough, I didn't want to waste anymore time.

He flopped onto his stomach as I quickly walked over to my night stand, unable to keep my own hands off of my erection. I retrieved a bottle of warming lube that a past girlfriend begged me to get once. Only we never got to use it, she left me soon after.

I took my hand off of my erection and walked back to the foot of the bed. I stood at his feet, trying to open the bottle and get past that stupid safety seal. When I finally succeeded, I replaced the cap and laid the bottle down at the edge of the bed. I stared down at him, his perfect white ass laid out before me and his back moving up and down as he breathed heavily into one of my pillows.

I grabbed his hips, pulling his ass up to me, making him get on his knees. I pushed on his lower back, forcing him to arch it so his ass could be more perfectly displayed in front of me. I grabbed the bottle with one hand and slapping his ass cheek with another. His back arched further as I opened the bottle and turned it upside down over the top of his ass crack. I watched, fascinated, as a stream of lube landed on his skin and slowly ran down, dripping off of his balls and onto my blanket.

I placed a finger at the top of his ass crack and ran it down, pausing at the place that I wanted to enter so badly. He moaned loudly at the warmth of the lube and arched his back impossibly more.

"Does that feel good, Jasper?" I asked him, smiling.

He nodded his head into the pillow, his hands digging further into the fabric. I leaned down and blew my breath across his skin, knowing that it would heat it up even more. When I leaned back up, I grabbed my cock and placed it on his lower back. I grasped his hips and slowly moved my hips back and forth, rubbing my erection across him, the lube causing our skin to slide easily.

"God," I breathed out. "I want to be inside of you so badly." I slapped his ass cheek again as I slid my cock back up his ass, my balls hitting his. "Do you think you're ready? Do you want this?"

"Yes," he panted out, his voice muffled by the pillow.

I picked up the bottle again and poured some of it in my hands, rubbing them together to coat my palms. I reached around and grabbed his cock with my left hand, pumping him in and out of my fist. With my other hand, I pressed on his balls before moving my hand up to place a finger right at his opening. His back stiffened up as he breathed heavier into the pillow.

"Loosen up or this won't work," I tried to coax him with my voice. "If you really want this then you have to do what I say."

His back loosened up only a small amount, but I couldn't hold off any longer. I slipped the tip of my finger in him and paused, waiting for his reaction. I gave him some time, continuing my left hand around his cock to make any thoughts of fear or pain leave his mind. As he relaxed a little further, I slipped my finger in slowly, until it was all the way inside of him.

When I saw that he was OK, I started to move my finger in and out of him, adding another as I continued to jack him off with the other hand. I could feel his erection getting harder and became worried that he was close to getting off again. I stopped both of my hands and waited for him to calm down.

"Don't stop. Please," he whimpered out, turning his head to lay his cheek across the pillow.

I took both of my hands, a thin coat of lube still on them, and rubbed his ass cheeks in circular motions. "You need to wait a minute. Can't have you getting off again. I told you, you do what I say."

I slapped both of his ass cheeks at the same time and dug my fingernails into his skin. "I don't want to wait any longer. Are you sure you want to do this?"

"More than anything," he nodded.

I slid my hands back down to his hips and pulled back, allowing my cock to hit up against his ass. He moved beneath my hands, eager to begin, and I had to laugh at his clear desperation.

I placed the head of my penis against his opening, pushing lightly at the resistance. I couldn't believe that I wanted it this much. I had always had fantasies about this, but I never thought the need to be inside of a man would feel so strongly. I had to fight back against myself to not push into him. It took everything in me to restrain myself.

With the head of my cock still rested against him, I put my hand back on his erection and slowly moved, trying to tease him. He was still as hard as before, still so huge within my hand. I pumped my hand around a few times before trying to push my hips forward, dieing to have him sheathed around me. With each three or four pumps of my fist, I pushed my cock into him further. It seemed to take forever, but I was willing to take it slow for him, despite my ever growing need.

My hips were now flushed with his skin. I had to bite back the loud moans that were threatening to come out as I felt him tighten around me while he moved to wrap his fingers around my headboard for leverage.

I let my head drop back as I picked up the pace of my hand and pulled my hips back to push inside of him a little faster. Both of our cries rang out in the otherwise silent room, exciting me even further. Without thought, my hips and hand moved faster. I figured it would hurt, be painfully tight. But the way I felt right now was exquisite. I wanted to do this again and again, to never have a day without his body placed against my skin.

I placed my hand against his ass, pushing his skin up to watch myself as I entered him. I was mesmerized by the sight of my cock disappearing inside of him, to only minutely reappear. My pace picked up, along with my panting, and I was afraid that I was going to get off too quickly. I had always lasted at least an hour, but this felt too wonderful, nothing like I had ever felt before. I felt his cock harden more in my hand and him tightening harder around me. The combination of his screams, being inside of him and knowing how turned on he was pushed me so close to the edge.

I slapped my hand on his ass again, loving how tight he became from it. I repeated, wanting to finally get him off, begging for my own release. I squeezed my eyes shut, thinking of nothing more but the way he felt underneath me. My pace became frantic as his screams became louder against the pillow while he bit down on it.

I felt him pulsing in my fist, once again, cumming onto my blanket in a fit of passion. My hand instantly flew over to his hip. I clasped my fingers around him, my fingernails digging red indentions into his skin. I held on to him so hard that I don't know how it didn't hurt him. Within seconds I was so close. I didn't know the protocol of having sex this way. Do I pull out? Do I stay?

I decided to pull out, watching as I ejaculated all over his back, coming out in steady streams, timed with my own pulse of the orgasm. Seeing him before me, still submissive and covered in my cum, was enough to make me want to start all over again. But I figured once was enough for now, not wanting to make him uncomfortable.

That thought instantly made me worried if there would be another time. If this was the first and only time I would be with him.

I moved to his side, laying on my back as he let his body go limp and fall to the bed. I could hear his harsh breaths and I rolled over to my side to watch his back rise and fall. I let my fingertips graze his skin, running over his shoulder blades and down his spine. Cold chills ran over his skin, causing little bumps to rise and he sighed out as he relaxed further.

He turned his head to look at me and he smiled wide, showing that wonderful goofy grin again. "Sounds cliche," he said with a shaky voice. "But, wow."

I laughed and pulled him over to me, letting his skin warm where mine was becoming cold. He pressed his back into my chest and sighed in contentment as he laid his head on my arm. We laid in silence, sleep trying to pull me under. As my eyes grew heavier and I curled my body to mold his, he finally spoke up.

"Are you going to leave me now? Not call me or talk to me anymore?"

My eyes shot open. "What would make you think that?"

He shrugged his shoulders from beneath my chin. "I don't know. Everybody ditches me. That's all I've ever known is rejection. It's nothing against you, I'm just used to it."

I pressed my nose into his hair and deeply inhaled. He seemed to be so strong, so confident. Yet he was really alone and scared. Everything was an act, when he was actually just as terrified as I was. This made me want to embrace him, hold him safely in my arms and not let go. To be his protector, his safe place to run to. I could show him that he could be treated better, that he deserved better. The way I felt around him was something completely new and exciting. He gave me that happy and content feeling that I have been searching for my whole life. I knew it the moment I saw him get out of that car and it was confirmed when I had touched his hand to shake it. It was my first time with him, the first time with any man, and it felt right. I wasn't as scared during it as I thought I would be and I felt a lot calmer then I had been in years. I knew that if it wasn't meant to last forever, it was definitely meant for now. He was meant to be in my arms, in this moment, with me.

I squeezed my arm around his chest, closing my eyes and kissing him on the back of his neck, the ends of his curls tickling my face.

"I don't want to leave you. I want to find out more. I don't want to go a single day without hearing your voice or knowing how you are. This is something I can't explain. I don't even feel normal or coherent right now. But I do know that when you leave, I will miss you. You don't have to worry about me rejecting you. You have me, if you want me."

He turned around under my arm and faced me. He gazed into my eyes, placing his hand in my hair and smiled. "I want you."

He pressed his lips against mine, nipping at my lips and sucking on my tongue. I felt his cock grow harder against my leg the more that he deepened the kiss. He pulled away, yet again too soon.

"Where's my dinner you promised me?" he asked, a smile tugging at his lips as he pushed himself up to sit.

"Fine, fine. If I have to," I laughed.

I leaned down and grabbed his shirt to throw it at him. We quietly got dressed and, when we finished, he walked over to me, grabbing my hand. He kissed me once, a chaste kiss that burned my lips.

"Let's go, I'm starving," he said as he pulled my hand and lead me to the kitchen.

* * *

**Have to tell you this guys...**

**OK, so I'm looking in the thesaurus online for the words came and squirting...yes, those words haha**

**My 7 year old son comes downstairs and sees the computer screen and screams "Squirting?! Why are you looking up that word?"**

**I just had to shake my head, pretend I don't want to laugh and screamed, "Yes! What do you want?"**

**HAHAHA I'm such a bad mom...**

**Thank freaking goodness he didn't come downstairs in the middle of me writing the story.  
**


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